Should i go back 2 a youth home in georgia when i live in memphis?

i am 18yrs old and last year i was arrested with possesion of a controlled substance wth intent 2 sell, manufacture, and distribute. instead of going 2 jail i chose 2 go 2 the paul anderson youth home in vidalia, georgia. I live in Memphis,Tennessee. I got there in may.09' and while i was there i was treated pooply by staff i have done many punishments and was nearly kicked out many times. staff thought i was trying 2 undermine them in everything i did and said.. they thought i was talking bad about the program behind there backs and influencing other boys 2 undermine, i think i did all theses things tho... well neways in december i was finally kicked out because i was given another boys sleeping pills by him and i took them. .......i am back home now awaiting court,, i emalied the youth home asking them 2 let me back ,.. after about a week i am back into the routine of being at home and the youth home said i could come back ,,,but i dont really want to but my whole family has put their faith into this place and are expecting me 2 go.....if i dont go i will have a fellony on my record tho...........i dont know wat 2 do because i have this feeling i will get kicked out if i go back