What would you do if you lived my life?

i'm 24. i feel as if the last 2 years i have been treading in deep water. let me start at the beginning. after 5 1/2 years and many "break-ups" in between, my ex and i broke up. he was the first man that i ever loved, ever kissed, ever wanted to be around forever. i loved him with all of my heart, but as any young girl may do, felt the need to see if she was more compatible with someone else. his brother's best friend, a friend of his as well, named "c" had always hung around. i knew there was something about him, so i ended up developing feelings for him. if you take me and turn me into a boy, you pretty much had "c". in the mist of confusion and break-up heartache from the first boyfriend, i ended up getting really nervous once "c" kissed me. i knew deep in my heart that i wanted him and i should be with him, but i was young and stupid. i stopped talking to him for a month. once i realized what i had done, i tried to contact him with a sincere explanation of how stupid i had done. i had one of my friends deliever his favorite icecream to his house, with a nice note on the top saying "it's a rocky road to forgiveness, but i hope this can be a start", but all i found out from that is he wanted to put a restraining order on me for bringing over icecream since he was afraid i would start looking in his windows... i would never do that, i was just trying to be nice. after months of no talking he finally contact my first ex, claiming he wanted to speak to us both. "c" seemed to forgive me, and i thought he would give me another chance. i explained to him how much i cared about him, how i knew he was the one for me, how perfect i thought we would be together. he said he knew but needed time to reflect on everything. a rumor about me making out with people got spread around shortly after and "c, for some reason, believed it. he stopped talking to me a year and one month ago. i tried to contact him a few times, but only ever received one text back saying "don't text me". i wish i knew why this all happened. i have tried to get him off of my mind, but for some reason i can't. i have tried dating other guys, but they just keep letting me down, disappearing, claiming they're interested in me but then going off to kiss another girl. like for instance, this one boy i met when i lived in another state for a few months just moved close to my town. he said he was interested in me. i told him i wanted to get to know him better before dating but we could definitely hang out to see if things may end up clicking. on the way to my state, on the night he was supposed to arrive to attend an event with me at my work, he never answered his phone. Thirty minutes before the event began he called claiming he had lost all of his things in Georgia and had just found them. Yesterday when we were hanging out, he claimed that he had met up with an old "girl" friend in Georgia and she kissed him twice and had he legs on him, and probably would have had with her if she hadn't been so vulnerable from her break-up with her husband. i'm just so confused. i pray everyday that "c" will gain the stregthen to come back and forgive me, or if that's not meant to be, i will be able to forget him. i pray to meet a good guy, but where? i'm quiet, i work with all girls who don't know any young guys, i don't go out many places and if i were, i wouldn't even know where to look. i've tried looking online, but only have found guys that are after , something that i am holding onto until marriage. i have considered joining a church, but am too shy to attend. i wish there was a way to get "c" to talk to me, or for me to find a great guy.